Tamps and Pervs
by MachiMochi
Summary: Rukia's getting a taste of what it's like to be a healthy highschool girl, poor renji doesn't have any idea what the blood on her skirt meant, and ichigo's gonna kill himself if he has to deal with another one of her mood swings. RenjixRukiaxIchigo
1. BLOOD

**_Disclaimer_: I don't own bleach or any of the characters. I'm just a very very bored girl**

**i really appreciate reviews so please do... thanks:)  
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Rukia woke up that morning feeling rather odd. She looked down and there it was, an orange little lion snoring very comfortably on her chest. She didn't know but she just felt that little vein pop and suddenly felt another need to heave the horrendous little squirt on a wall or something. So she did.

He was dreaming. It was a wonderful little place he called paradise with a meadow full of bright colored flowers and where he and her nee-san can play without that damned ichigo ruining it. the next thing he knew his face was against a wall.

"nee-san! What's wrong?" tears welled up on his orange little cheek and he got up from the floor.

"YOU'RE TOO LOUD! CAN'TYOU SEE HOW EARLY IT IS?" this made kon want to cry more. "nee-san, you don't like me anymore" he took out a little handkerchief and bit on the edge. 

"Oi! You guys are too loud!" ichigo stood in front of Rukia, she could tell that he just got out of bed from the mess of his hair and the wet spot on his shirt.

"shut up!" Rukia snapped at him as she got out of his closet. She walked past a very annoyed ichigo. "wha—what did you say!" ichigo spun around trying to catch her but panicked when he saw Rukia taking her pajamas off. "O—Oi Rukia! What the hell! What're you doing!" Rukia turned her head around to make sure he's not looking. "oh, I'm just you know, making breakfast… what do you think I'm doing idiot! I'm dressing up for school!"

"well, don't dress up in front of me idiot!" ichigo was more annoyed that he couldn't even turn around to rub the point at her face.

"it's not like you have the guts to look." Her voice was very irritated.

"oh yeah! And who would want to---" ichigo spun around but she was gone.

That afternoon everyone gathered in a small coffee shop after classes. there hasn't been any hollows lately and everyone found that it lessens the boredom if you spend it with your friends. So there they were, orihime, chad, Renji, Rukia, ichigo, and a quincy who claims that the only reason he came was because he was dragged by inoue. They were talking about school and a curious but bored Renji who was sitting beside Rukia decided that it's more interesting to tap his fingers on the table.

"quit it Renji." Rukia said quietly. This puzzled Renji, he can't remember doing anything that would bother her. "w—" he hasn't even finished his sentence when a fist hit his jaw "I SAID STOP IT!" she screamed at his ear making everyone turn their attention to the two. "what's wrong with you!" he was nursing his jaw and glaring at her. Rukia sat there leaning at the back of her chair glaring at her coffee cup. "she's been like that since this morning." Ichigo said, not daring to look at Rukia. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but when she's mad, the girl can actually deliver a punch that could put a good boxer to sleep for the next century. 

"oh so we're talkin' about me now are we!" Rukia doesn't know what's wrong with her but she just doesn't feel good. Her stomach's been aching all afternoon and she's craving for something she doesn't know what. So it all adds to her unknown frustration. She decided she just has to leave before she causes more damage. She got up, turned around and was about to leave when they saw it. there it was, as obvious as the sun in a summer afternoon, a big red spot at the back of her uniform. They all had different reactions to this. Ishida blushed and then looked away. Ichigo was in disbelief for a couple of seconds until he realized what was happening and laughed. Orihime gasped. And Renji… he hadn't seen or even heard of it so he just stared. Rukia turned around, a very irritated look was plastered on her face. 

"what now!" 

"you have blood at the back of your skirt." Ichigo smirked

Rukia froze. _What do you mean blood!_

Renji's eyes bulged and then picked her up. "blood! We should get you to urahara-san!" Renji was panicking and it was obvious. VERY OBVIOUS. "Renji-san put her down, it's okay. It's normal." Renji blinked. _She's bleeding and it's normal! _Renji gently put a very stunned Rukia down. Rukia can't believe what she heard from that damned ichigo. She can't even look at her skirt. She sat down uneasily. "is… is it normal to feel something leaking between your… umph!" inoue was quick enough to put her hand over Rukia's mouth to stop her from finishing her sentence. But not quick enough to get the idea across those who knew what she meant. Ishide almost fainted and ichigo, although he tried to hide it, blushed. Chad didn't move. And Renji still doesn't have any idea what they were talking about.

"is it normal though for a gigai to be acting like this!" inoue let Rukia go.

"I dunno" ichigo adjusted uncomfortably in his chair.

"I guess we better pay Urahara-san a visit."

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**yay!** **rukia's getting her period and so am i (grumble) i just flamed on my bestfriend and my other friend because of my raging hormones! poor guys...**

**oh the sorrow of being young and full of hormones lol XD**


	2. PERVERTS

**it's been weeks since i started writing fics and bleach still isn't mine! (sob)**

**reviews are still very much appreciated by meeee! **

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The walk to Urahara's store was slow and very painful for Rukia. The dreaded monthly period everyone's been talking about at the girl's bathroom. She had been secretly smirking at them, thinking that it could never happen to her because her body wasn't real anyway. Renji had offered to carry her, worried that she might die of blood loss and she repaid his concern with another punch in the jaw. She expected him to yell at her for doing so but instead, he let out a very frustrated sigh and took his jacket off and tied it around her waist muttering something about her never worrying about being embarrassed before when she refused to leave due to the embarrassment of having blood at the back of her skirt.

"ehhhh?!" Urahara stared at Rukia bemusedly.

"so… are you going to fix this gigai or not?" another vein was threatening to pop but she held it in. she finally got a change of clothes and refused to let anyone but inoue to help her out.

"it's probably just a glitch or something. I'm sure urahara-san can fix it." ichigo had his chin on his hand and was desperately trying not to laugh. Everyone especially Rukia and Renji were making a big deal out of it but he doesn't see why they should be surprised. If you ask him, he thinks that it's natural. A gigai is supposed to function like a real human body right?

They all turned to urahara waiting for some kind of answer. He took out his fan and smiled and very sly smile under a green hat and an opened fan. They gulped.

"I can't fix it."

Everyone except Rukia, Renji, and Ichigo dropped. Rukia was frozen, Renji still doesn't get it, and Ichigo just _feh_-d. 

"bunch of idiots." He was glad Rukia didn't hear him mutter. She was still shocked motionless. Unexplainable tears suddenly threatened to drop and she can feel it filling her eyes. She was suddenly scared and she really can't understand why. Now she's lost and confused. She suddenly wished her nii-sama were there. She looked down on her palm that was clutching the fabric of her dress on her lap and waited for the tears to drop. One drop. One drop is all she needs and then she'll pull it together. 

"explain."

Everyone looked at her. "explain why this is happening! This isn't a real human body so why am I experiencing this?!"

Urahara closed his eyes for a moment before putting his fan down. He pulled his hat down and talked.

"yes, it is true that gigais are made to trick the humans into thinking that it is a real body. And as you all know. I can modify the gigais that I create. I don't usually put special features in most gigais." Everyone stared at him.

Silence

Urahara's eyes twinkled.

"but for Rukia-san, I made it so that she can experience the beauty of being a blossoming young lady!"

Flames appeared around Rukia and she looked pissed. REALLY PISSED.

"FIX IT!"

"I can't"

"WHY?"

"once a gigai is, well… born, it can never be re-modified again."

"THEN MAKE ME A NEW ONE."

"I can't."

"WHY?"

"ran out of materials."

Renji blinked. _So Urahara-san can modify gigais?_

"uhm.. urahara-san" renji scratched the back of his head. "is that why i'm always hungry?! because of the features of the gigai?"

urahara looked at renji. "no... That's just you!"

Renji blushed. "oh..." then fell silent.

Rukia felt defeated. She wanted to pummel that stupid urahara but she found no strength to do so. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked around and it was inoue. "it's okay Rukia-chan. We'll help you with this." She smiled at her reassuringly. "but first I gotta explain it all to you." she hopped, making her chest bounce.

"I don't need to stay for this!" Ichigo started to get up. "but kurosaki-kun! We have to help Rukia-chan! She's gonna need support!" Ichigo ignored inoue and was about to leave. Renji _feh-_d. Ichigo turned around and glared at Renji. "what?!" Renji closed his eyes and smirked. "scared of a little blood?! Eh ichigo?!" ichigo's eyes bulged in anger and disbelief. 

"so you're saying that staying here and listening makes you more of a man?"

"yes!"

"you're just staying cuz you don't know what they're talking about!"

"what did you say?"

Renji was actually glad that inoue had volunteered to explain. Curious as he was, he was just as concerned to what was happening to Rukia.

"Stop it you two, this isn't about you." ishida sat at the opposite side of the table, quietly sliding his glasses up his nose bridge.

"ishida-kun is right! Now Renji-san, kurosaki-kun, can you please sit down so I can start?" urahara clapped his hands. "yes! We should all listen to inoue-san's little fairytale. I have a feeling this is going to be good." Everyone settled down as inoue cleared her throat.

"well… uhm… Rukia-chan… it starts with an egg." 

Renji's ears perked at the word _egg_

"like a chicken egg?"

"yes! Good Renji-kun!"

"where is it?"

"it's inside Rukia-chan's body."

"is she gonna lay a chicken egg?"

"uhm…"

Rukia stared at them and was unconsciously leaning closer to inoue. Urahara watched the two _geniuses_ talk excitedly about the chicken egg, Ishida twitched. _What the hell's wrong with these two? _Chad just stared.Ichigo slapped his hand on his face in frustration. 

"no inoue." Ichigo said quietly. 

"ehhh?! Kurosaki-kun?"

"it's not a chicken egg! And Renji, keep you're damn mouth shut for a couple of minutes will ya? Rukia looks like she's gonna fall apart in confusion any minute now and you're making it worse."

So in the next few minutes, ichigo explained how periods work and the talk eventually came to how babies come to the world. 

"good kurosaki-kun! Very well explained! But if you ask me, I prefer the more detailed explanation!" ichigo glared at urahara. "but your explanation works too kurosaki-kun!"

"wow kurosaki-kun! You know a lot! I didn't even know some of the things you said!"

"well, my dad's a doctor. And I have two sisters, so when he explained about those things the stupid old man made sure I was listening." Ichigo felt the need to protect his pride against inoue's curious stare.

"oi Renji! You got quiet! Scared now?" Ichigo smirked at a dumbfounded Renji. Renji looked at ichigo. "you mean… you mean Rukia can… can have babies?" 

"that's what I just explained! Are you stupid?" he would definitely kill Renji if he even tries to make him explain it all over again.

Renji was deep in thought for a couple of minutes. "oi Rukia!" he was definitely blushing but he ignored it. Rukia's safety always comes first. "you're not sleeping at ichigo's tonight. Or for a couple of weeks." _Or maybe even EVER!_ Renji's words got him everyone's attention. Especially ichigo's.

"what the hell?! what're you trying to say?"

"I'm just saying… she's not gonna stay with you anymore."

"are you trying to say I'm a pervert?! So where do you propose she stays?! With you?!"

"well… seeing that I am the vice-captain of his brother, I think that it's only proper that I look after her."

"proper my ass! Who's the pervert now?! You just want her for yourself!"

"wha—what the hell are you talking about?! So you want her then?!"

"I never said that!"

"but that was what you were trying to say!"

Rukia heaved her shoes and landed straight at the two bickering boys' faces. "idiots! I'm not staying with neither of you! and what makes you think that I will do…do… DO SUCH A THING?!" both Renji and Ichigo realized what they were arguing about and turned red. They got carried away. 

"kuchiki-san should stay with inoue-san." Chad pointed out quietly.

Inoue's eyes lit at the idea. "yes! You could stay with me for as long as you like Rukia-chan! It'll be fun! And I'll cook for the both of us too!"

Ishida stood and walked to the door. "well, now that that's settled, I think we should all go home."

Everyone agreed silently, got up from their seats, and said goodbye to urahara and everyone at his store. They were off to their homes.

Ichigo explained everything to her and to everyone. But she still can't understand why this is happening to her. she just can't accept it. and as he said, it's gonna be like this for the next five days. Five days of hell. she would wish to die before tomorrow if she could, but she's already dead!... she looked at the darkening sky and saw a very distant star. If wishing on stars were really true, then she wishes that tomorrow won't be as bad as today.

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**Awwww! Rukia got scared and wanted her nii-sama there beside her! isn't that cute?!...** ** XD**


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